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Humor:
Fantasy Baseball Terms and Quotes
Jonathan Leshanski
July 15, 2005
Sosapath - someone who has an exaggerated sense of remorse about
actually cutting Sammy Sosa.
Vladiator - The guy who bid $50+ dollars for Guerrero on draft day.
All-Star Break - Three days without fantasy baseball.
Greene’r Pastures - Cutting Khalil Greene every time he breaks
a finger.
Drewler - One who salivates over the production of a healthy J.D.
Drew
Colonic - The feeling after Bartolo shuts down your best hitters
for an entire game
Urbina Renewal - Ugueth once again ends up in a closing role.
Peavy’d - Anger that you let Jake go in the draft because you
thought he was overvalued at $16
Knowing Mor’n’eau - verbally taunting an opponent that
they don’t pay enough attention to rookies.
Damonize - taking bigger and bigger leads in your league standings
- or alternately to insult your opponent’s haircut.
Bradley attack vehicle - any bad call involving Milton
(Jason) Marquis de sad - A wining pitcher with bad peripheral stats.
Fording the Rivas - trying to figure out who’s starting in
Minnesota.
Hafner - Players you expect a big second half from
Ask for Mauer - expecting a lot from a youngster
Lowell water mark - the point at which you need to consider dropping
a player for lack of production.
Afsexonate - Really, really liking Richie Sexson
Kentalievered - Relief that this isn’t the year where your
second baseman’s skill level fell off.
Honorable Menchion - a not quite top tier outfielder that’s
on the rise
Hunter Jumper - Someone trying to obtain Torii at a bargain price
Team Lee’ders - Fantasy MVP candidates
Brunnyman - Laughing that you didn’t spend big bucks on your
closers
Taking a Halliday - Being able to relax and not worry about that
day’s starter.
Boone Hill - Where skills go to die.
Counsellation prize - Getting a career year from a guy you picked
off the wire.
A. Hill of Beans - throwing at the batter after Aaron hits a home
run.
Coco Crisp - The favorite breakfast cereal of fantasy owners in
Ohio
Doubting Thomas - Figuring the Big Hurt will spend more time on
the DL than on the field.
Clementcy - Being signed by a contender.
Reyes of hope - Seeing your team develop rookie talent.
Giambitron - A big scoreboard with all Jason’s past highlights
Prior Knowledge - Anticipating just when Mark will head to the DL
again, or get off of it.
Webb Slinger - Someone who induces a lot of ground outs.
Harden One’s Heart - Refusal to draft any Oakland players
Rogers and out - Doing something stupid to get yourself suspended.
Lyon Through Your Teeth - Insisting a player is not on the DL when
you know he is.
Putting Your Garland Up Early - Getting ready for the winter meetings
Leaving in a Huff - Knowing ahead of time that a player will be
traded in July
Infantecide - A very bad first round draft pick
Underdunn - Hitting for power but not for average
Byrd Brained: wondering just what the Philly front office was thinking
when they traded away Marlon.
Grieving - when a player you like is relegated to pinch hitting
duties
Hot Eyre - a good reliever who doesn’t close
Playing Fossom - a promising pitcher who never delivered.
Grin and Barrett - knowing you’ve got a decent back up catcher
Wag’nering your tongue - Saying things which will get you shipped
out of Philly by the trading deadline
Warding off evil - Taking Daryle over Doug Mienkiewicz in your fantasy
league
In the Dempster - Relief that Chicago won’t lose too many games
in the ninth.
Used in a sentence
My second baseman Cantu anything your second baseman can/
Jose will end up with a mess a saves.
I know morn’u’neau about rookies.
People who live in Glaus houses shouldn’t pitch to the guy.
I think you need a larger one... try one Sizemore
Varitek did de ball go?
You need to Washburns before you can bandage them.
It had a Schilling effect upon the outlookers
The Farnsworth more than the developer offered but maybe we oughtta
sell.
If you give them an Inge they’ll end up with Aaron Miles
It was a Grissom discovery in the Giants outfield
Contreras to popular belief...
You couldn’t hit the broad side of a Barmes...
Affeldt better after taking a couple of aspirin |
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